5/27"I took one look and I was fractured"

man, sometimes the beatles do all right. covering 'youngblood'

Starting to pack, retracting three years of possessions into snailshell boxes too big or multiple for my single back. now: beginning of a weird transition. three summer months to morph into a what a grad student. A more solitary person, maybe? shall I prepare for London's coolness, obstruction to likemind connections? In past travels, sympathetic vibrations called and entranced, a flirt, a wink, an long-drawn gaze, but i'm not living that kind of life these days. I wont be passing through (ideal for the quick kiss, the hello smooch), i'll be living with the weight of future history. best not to obsess, i guess.

5/26 Well I saw it. And I agree with miss melty. It's pretty spectacularly racist. And it's wayyyy more for little kids.

My friend sitting next to me: "This is for four-year olds."
Me: "Racist four-year-olds

guh.

there's also an even scarier thing, which is that the whole explanation of The Force and Jedi powers is, word for word, DIANETICS. Scientology. What the fuck is up with that? is Lucas one (like 2/3 of hollywood)? Or is it a big inside joke? It's realllllly creepy.

5/25 think I'm going to see that film everyone's talking about. not because I think it'll be that fantastic.. actually, I'm as excited about the suburban theater experience, maybe more excited. I hear the seats are huge and padded, with armrests for everyone, and they go back a little, almost like recliners! And the seating is stadium style, and the screen wraps around, it's so huge... golly.

Saw a crazy bad movie last night called 'Bad Girls Go To hell" apparently one of a genre of exploitation movies from the early sixties. Really awful acting, plot, etc. As the man who introduced it said, "one of the ten worst films of all time." The exploitation stuff was pretty great. It was all about panties, bodystockings, high-heeled shoes, and furniture. That's what teh camera loved, also lamps and linoleum floors. I'm glad Mr. Critic was there to talk about post war nouveau properity, for me that gave some explanation of the visual catalogue of apartment furnishings in the flick -- the camera, at various moments in the dialogue, action, or inaction, would focus for a beat on a lamp, a wall clock, a couch, a coffee table. It was like a real estate flick. But then it would move to the girl reclining on the couch in a body stocking, or the main character casually sitting and reading in a bra, panties, and high heels, or all the ladies, similarly clad, would be chatting woodenly, in their underwear and heels. Weird. It definitely did "embody a lot of post-war tensions about gender." the most interesting thing is that this flick was made by Doris Wishman who is actually the most prolific female director in america, having made 25 feature-length films. Exploitation films. i don'tknow how many I'll watch but it was definitely funny and also fascinating in parts. Also painfully bad in parts.

5/24 *rewritten-extended in the afternoon* Went to my friend's graduation Sunday morning. She was a non-traditional student at a college that is mostly fairly pampered and conservative. A group of us went to cheer her on and represent for the freaks. I dressed scandalously, in a 1940s style flowered frock cut ridiculously short and powder-blue patent maryjanes with heels higher and girlier than anything i have ever worn. my congrats-card is written in blood on my feet. but it was worth it. the sun shone, us tattooed ladies glowed. My girl looked like Joan Crawford. The commencement speaker was suprisingly leftist. The upshot of his speech: "you are all very privileged. Try to seek out non-traditional goals and alternative ideas to success --don't just go for the paycheck. And because you are privileged, you need to give something back." Pretty good. not what I was expecting. One graduating student (from the veterinary school) was wearing a "Stop Animal Testing" sign. A man in front of us said something about how we all are living longer because of animal testing. My friend's mother got in an argument with him about it. The rest of us just snickered at his comb-over. (Yah we're snobs sometimes.)

Friday night I saw "Black Mask" - the new Jet Li movie. very strange. very very strange. Both Jet Li and the other male lead are adorable. Francoise Yip is a total badass, but there's not nearly enough of her. there's also enough homoerotic imagery to choke a horse. --not that I think such things choke-inducing, it was some of my favorite stuff-- It's a love story between Jet Li and the other guy whose name I'm forgetting. Once again, films use violence between men as a way for them to touch each other, even penetrate. Tons of continuity problems. It's visually quite nice, the colors are good, but the cinematography is disorienting. It looks very slick with strange and random exceptions, like laser-guns with the cheapest FX, circa 1974...the soundtrack is good, but it runs throughout too many scenes. the guys in the police station are talking and there's hip hop playing in the background. I recommend it but it's definitely a weird hybrid (which I originally typoed "hypdrid" which is almost a better word) experience.

I also watched an utterly, utterly devastating film last night. I have decided that I'm going to watch a lot of John Cassavetes movies. I saw "Husbands" (1970) last night, starring Peter Falk, Ben Gazzara, and John Cassavetes. Oh my fucking god. I don't know what they were doing, if it's acting or not, but they were incredible. And the cinematography is so good it hurts. Not flashy at all, and so powerful. And these men with their faces, and the chemistry between them. It wasn't like acting at all, it was living, but how the hell they could do what they were doing I don't know. This flick is not as painful as some others I've seen, and it was funnier, but still, he engages on a level that most movies never achieve. And, by the way, Vincent Gallo is such a wannabe. If you liked any part of Buffalo 66, see this movie for what he's trying to be. Yes, Ben Gazzara plays the dad in Buffalo 66, but I don't care, this was all the skills and none of the pretensions. If you take the fairytale and the romance out of it, you get this. All the fancy processing tricks used in Buffalo 66 to make it so pretty, well they're absent here, and it's TEN times more affecting. I've never noticed the way someone used depth of field. I'd get into the use of framing, but in a re-formatted video (goddamn pan and scan) I can't say for sure. I ache to see it on the big screen..

5/21 A friend told me about an acquaintance of hers who bought a purebred Weimariner dog for $900 (on sale), and had a microchip implanted in it, in case of dognapping. When she takes it to the vet, he scans it with a little wand and brings up its history. I knew this was coming, i didn't know it was already here. I understand the rationale-- like dog tags only unlosable. It's only a matter of time before people do this to children --either rich ones (in case of kidnapping) or orphans/foster kids (in case of runaways). There's something really creepy going on.