August 30 00 Had a sort of ultimate academic-geek moment, swaying sweatsoaked amid Bar Rumba's weekly drum'n'bass night, the crowd going mad, the mc largin'it, beats bangin ok. caught myself thinking about structurally revising the last section of my thesis, and which argument should go where, and my supervisor suggested.... yeah. caught myself thinking about it, stood there for a moment, a bubble of preoccupation in the suddenly distant throng, then got my bag and headed to the bus.
of course here I am updating instead. but it was the thesis that got me out of there.

August 29 00Well Sunday was my 27th birthday, as well as the first day of the Notting Hill Carnival. I think PMS had hit on Saturday, and I was moping about, remembering the slammin' parties the past three years for my birthday, complete with large numbers of nice people, djs and freestylers on the mic. and lots of dancing. So I somehow didn't tell anyone here that it was my birthday, and thus nobody really knew. only myself to blame. Bought myself some books, F. Wheen's awesome biography of Karl Marx, The Poisonwood Bible, and Life Is Not All Ha Ha Hee. Each of them good and involving in a completely different way. Anyway got home on Saturday to find some nice messages on my machine, including one from this cat I had met at the ska-reggae-rocksteady-dub night a month ago. He's from NYC originally, a music producer, just moved here to rule the world, apparently. A really interesting guy, and easy to talk to. Plus he remembered that it was my birthday, because we had talked about carnival a month ago and I must have said something about that date. So he wished my happy b-day in his message. warmed my heart, yo. He and his friend were good companions on the meandering-about-carnival scene. Funny thing was, they were so new york, my language started mutating back to that slang, that "i'm not fuckin' with that" "I'm feelin' those costumes, yo." so funny, the dialects that just popped out. I don't say "innit" here, but I caught myself saying "proper" as in "a proper meal", which I don't recall ever using before.

Carnival was okay. Stalked by rain, especially on the first day, where the high point was the Trouble On Vinyl stage, all junglists, and Nicky Blackmarket played the most blown-up set of old ragga jungle, lots of congo natty tunes, and other ragga, greensleeves stuff, lots of SuperCat vocals and suchlike. And it was pouring rain. started just as we headed over, though it wasn't too cold. I looked up at the clouds just opening, and decided to take off my coat and overshirt, and dance in the rain in a tank top, then when it stopped I would have dry layers to wear. It worked out pretty well. except my feet which just marinated in sneaker juice all afternoon. Wandered to other soundstages, but their systems were kinda quiet. Hung out with a circle of capoeiristas for a while (both my companions play it and their class had set up a little ring on a side-street). The odd thing about Carnival is how big a space it covers, it was pretty uncrowded on the first, quieter day, partly because there were blocks and blocks of streets. It lessened some of the energy.
Ended up crashing with the new yorkers cuz they lived conveniently close to it all. went to a party where one of'em spun awesome dancehall for an hour. then collapsed with a bevy of other other-side-of-towners who had taken advantage of the flat's nearness and the guys' niceness. I didn't get on so well with a couple of them but they were coke-heads which explained why they seemed like arrogant jerks. o well.
the second day it was so crowded that after one panicked episode stuck in a press of people that did not move AT ALL for three minutes: we had been slowly shuffling forward for five or six minutes, then suddenly those in front of us weren't moving, people pressed in on all sides, and from the back came a push forward that almost lifted me off my feet. ugh. could sense the potential for panic all around. So we moved away from main streets. Dodging a huge dark cloud that stalked us all day, raining on us when it found us, we saw some floats, some bands of dancers in crazy costumes, but the energy was off for me still. the crowd just stood and watched, mostly. Apparently 2 million people were expected. bigger than my home city. We caught up with the capoeiristas again for a bit. ate a lot of carnival food, fried plantain, veg patty, riceanpeas.

August 23 00 biked around today, to a cafe where I sat in the sun, writing and reading articles, and for a break scanning through all the glossies. I love that cafe because they buy the latest issues of theface, i-d, all the fun ones that are too pricey to pay for but fun to read. except they put you in a spending mood. Been watching the gravity games, from Providence RI. lots of vert ramp stuff, bmx bike stuff. unreal. this double-tailspin shit, or a 540-with-tailspin-in-the-middle, or the backflip with halftwist (a fakey?). damn. people doing some crazy crazy stuff. Actually three brits were doing pretty well in the competition. but I kept cracking up at people's names: biker sherlock. rat sult. fuzzy hall. they're like the porn actresses of sports. vert skate tomorrow. fun. if i watch it. the weather supposed to be hot and lovely tomorrow so I might just head outside... on the bike! maybe up to that park in Stoke Newington again. so beautiful up there. I could take my laptop..

LDL is on email again and it makes such a difference. to my bank account too. but really his text is often much more confident and flowing than our phone calls. i like the words he sends me. once he moves this will be a more common thing, and i look forward to it. easier to check in, to keep contact and feel a connection across the continents.

August 20 00 Another quiet weekend. saving up for Carnival next weekend. hugeness awaits, sorta. Spent hours trying to record my mixtape from minidisc to tape and eradicate the stupid motherfucking hiss which is so loud that it's interfering with the music. not having much luck. Been standing over the hi-fi, a pile of components: tapedeck 1, tapedeck2, amp, EQ, minidisc.. switching channels, plugging minidisc player into the phono, tuner, and either tape channel. hiss still present. adujusting levels on EQ, on tape-input-level, on minidisc. Switching to the other tape recorder. taping and listening, tapinga nd listing. guh. stupid hiss.

saw "Bringing Up Baby" and "The Philadelphia Story" and finally realised what all the fuss was about, both about those flicks, and about Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart. Never liked those guys before, especially in later Hitchcock. Especially Stewart, who turned into a sort of Norman-Rockwell caricature of himself, all aw-shucksy like. But when he was young, first of all he was a wicked actor, playing a damn appealing character in Philadelphia Story. And Cary Grant's comic timing is pretty good too. He's cute when he gets all disheveled, and I like him in glasses. He gets too smug in later years, too well-fed and suave. yeech. Anyway, went alone (although heyoka had said she'd come), and guffawed in my seat. at some point I kicked my feet with glee. that's right, glee, dammit. some well-written, funny-as-anything dialogue. And Katherine Hepburn, I always knew she was gorgeous, but damn she was especially gorgeous. rrrowr.

biked around a bit as well, which was lovely. the weather seems already cool and fall-like (say it ain't so), but in the day the sun shines enough that five minutes into a ride I don't need more than a t-shirt.

August 16 00 hmmm. the set went okay, I guess. Not the best I've ever played. There was something weird with the levels in the studio and it was kinda hard to hear. The monitor speakers were really quiet and the headphones really loud. O well. it's archived at the gaialive site, so if you missed it, you have two weeks to check it out there. under FUSEM.

Saw a film called "Babylon" last night, made in 1980, set in the Caribbean communities of London, especially brixton. Recognized lots of the scenery and background. Was all about sound systems and soundclashes, and life in those neighborhoods. quite well acted. reinforced a pretty male-centered vision/experience of the reggae/dub subculture. the babylon that beats down one of the main characters includes the woman he calls his girlfriend; although she's coded and discussed that way, he doesn't over the course of the movie, refer to her or include her in his social scene. Wakes up next to her in one scene, in another when she's dancing with a guy he cuts in (staking his claim, but that's a poor comfort to the woman, let me tell you)..but that's it. So when, as the final blow to his rejection by/of the world around him, he goes to her house and she's not there. I couldn't get mad at her with him when she showed up. Hadn't seen him do anything for her. Identified with her, even though it was mostly written for him, I think. But where is she to take refuge? Don't see her at the sound-systems... hmmm.