I have some backed-up-updates on my mom's compter, but now i'm shivering in UMass grad student computer room, having run up some html for her. She said about six times the past few weeks "if you wanted to make a little money, i could use some help on the website." and, actually, i didn't want to make a little money. it would only be a little, and i have little time here and I want to see my friends and do some work for my thesis, but when she said it again i realized I'd HAVE to. duh. so anyway I'm doin what i can with my text-only madness.

wearing a new sparkly knit cap and a sweater with stars (both bought with xmas dough from sosogenerous grandma), last night I went to a bar. with nolongerex. he's to be my long-distance love, so I'll call him LDL in sad anticipation of the stretchy miles to come. Anyway, I have small experience with bars, not being a drinker.. ever. And this bar is and has been a perennial hangout for LDL and the folks he chills with, boys and girls on bikes especially. And tooooo many of the girls are the ones who you can't seem to have an un-coded conversation with. every sentence is a signal of who's in and who's out. Boys seem less complicated, many of'em are very smart, and most of them drink a ton, and have their pleasures and guilts. but the girls have complicated status games running, mostly over male attention I hate that stuff. Anyway last night ws a pleasant suprise, cuz a gurl i didn't know who knows many of the folks, came right up to us (I had one of my two ladieswith me for moral support-- she doesn't drink r go to bars either) was sweet and funny and genuine with a super-infectious laugh. set the tone for a much more relaxed evening. then there's this crazy skinhead tattooed boy who has somehow adopted me as a kind of mascot for things he wishes he's done or been or something. He brought me a cherry coke (real cherries in!) and talked about life and tatoos and shopping and ting. It's clear he looks up to LDL, as well. Left on a high note, headed to LDL's chinatown loft where his room has unfinished walls (they don't reach the ceiling), so it's the quietest sex I've ever participated in. but that's kind of fun, except when a roommate comes in the door and it sounds like he's in the same room. hmmmm.

I'll post some backstories later. cheers, y'all.

12/10 ok the wish list. Been gift shopping for my pals at home..wheee!

12/9 in between handing in my papers today, i engaged in a brief fantasy shopping at Amazon. If anyone wants to subsidize my habits, they can check my wish list when it's up tomorrow... not that consumerism is the only way to say you care. Feel free to sign my guestbook instead. I'll probably not update again till I leave on Sunday, and do a big overhaul from Boston. Cheers!

12/8Last night, a late tasty dinner with my roommates, we had a holiday togetherness thing: roasted veggies (parsnips, carrots, potatoes, shallots garlic garlic, +olive oil and rosemary), brussel sprouts (fried w/orange rind, a but string for me but I got some down), and dessert: baked apples swimming in cinnamon/brownsugar/nutmeg with champagnecreamsauce on top. mmmm. total food coma. And then turned on the tv, and saw a tall skinny man, back to the camera, in a fedora and a skinny suit, silhouted in a doorway. Something about the angle of his sholuders and the icy pristinity of the camera (perhaps) I said to my roomie: "Is that Jimmy Stewart?" and "it's gotta be Hitchcock!". and it was!"Vertigo" on tv. the perfect after pig-out occupation. He snored in the chair and I lay comatose watching the chilly mastery, and Kim Novak's utterly bizarre painted-on eyebrows.

12/6 quiet quiet weekend. Writing and walking and reading and writing. I've been having a real culture clash with some at LSE (especially my advisor), and I'll detail it when I have a bit more time. For now, everyone whould go read this on the recent events in Seattle regarding the WTO protest. Really. Go read it.

12/3 worked my last day at the cafe until I come back from holidays. woohhoo! The cafe is a fun place, though, as long as you're not too committed. I like the complement of folk who work and chill there, mostly mostly. And now no social life until after classes end. I have two papers to write for Thursday. Not so bad, I guess. Not too long. But I'm having blocks, recently. O well. In a week, this will all be over. My heavens but this term went fast.

Several friends have just emailed me saying they finally have letters for me and what's my address? hah, suckers. I'll be back soon, and you might as well save your paper. I got no mail from the states except what I sent myself. dammit. o poor me. Otherwise, things are running smooth enough. Except that I owe the library some dough. alas. as usual. the getcha coming and going don't they. (Oy.. I probably should not write after work, as my latenight mind rambles like a drunken phone call.) And on that stream of consciousness.. The mark of a really good soul song is that it makes you want to call your ex. Otis Redding, Lauryn Hill, even early rocksteady ska.. I reach for the phone. drop it! good girl.

12/1 Just to mention that I missed all the excitement of the anti-WTO protest. But you can read about what happened in London here.